Ok so it has been quite awhile since I was here last! And let me tell you what...sooo much has happened it is amazing! I never knew one life could withstand so much drama! I am completely in love with the new boyfriend...Phil and now live with him....this was absolutely the hardest decision I have ever made in my life and I am still a bit overwhelmed by it to be honest! We will make it work...Phil is my calm balance :) He has more faith in me that I ever will and how wonderful that he TELLS me :) How even more wonderful he tells me I am beautiful and MEANS it...to the point I almost believe it too! So now I know you are all going OMG she moved in after only 4 months what could make her do that?!?! Well that is where even more chaos strikes! It seems that on July 12th after some signs of sickness and tiredness we decided to take a pregnancy test...and yes you guessed it...positive! So shocked, but accepting! We are both excited to know we will have a little one in March! So this is what prompted our living together...now the downfall to this in my life is that Prancer couldn't move with me :(

I am completely shattered that I had to make a choice that left him out...I can't help but feel as tho he is being punished for my decisions :( I still see him everyday and he even came over yesterday to visit at Phil's, but it isn't the same for him or for me! However Phil has very small yard and a main road right outside the door which neither is a good Prancer thing! So I had to make the haredest decision of my life to leave him with mom and dad where he can still run and play at the only home he's ever known...but man is my heart broken....that dog is my everything...the one thing in my life that has never let me down and now I feel as tho I have let him down :( I keep questioning myself is what's best for him ( staying at home) really what's best without me? He is going to adjust without me? Will be ever seem happy again? ( he is really mopey now) I just don't know I have to wait and see....

so now on to happier things...Phil is the greatest guy in the world I wouldn't change a single thing about him. He makes me laugh, smile, and just feel good about myself...he love politics as much as I do ( didn't think i would ever find that hehehe) He isn't afraid of my tears...he let's me cry and just holds me close, he likes to hold me ( I am soo thankful for this) He teaches me things if I want to learn it he shows me...doesn't matter that I am a girl :) ( how cool is that) He can take my mood swings with a grain of salt and still love me...knowing I don't really want to be mean and will cry afterwards for saying hurtful things... He is involved and interested in my life as well as I am his...He has so much faith in me and tells me so...he tells me I am beautiful and makes me believe it...he is the calm to my chaos the balance my life has needed...he can tolerate the 12 yr old that lives within my soul and I think kind of appriciates it :) I could go on for days on the reasons why I love him, but I haven't time to list everything...so you will just have to take my word on this.....he's incredible and makes me feel like the most important/beautiful person on the Earth! Phil thank you for making my life complete and being the support I have always needed...I hope that I can do the same for you!

So as you may be able to tell that amongst all the chaos in my life there is stability and happiness too :) I will try to be better about posting :)

Hugs
Stacy