Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A much better day! Current mood: inspired Category: Life
Well since yesterday life has become so much better! I guess sometimes we just need a mental meltdown to keep going strong! I feel so amazing and on top of the world today. Altho I didn't get much sleep I still feel good!
I have begun to realize that being treated well makes you feel well :) It is so nice to finally be treated with care and respect. Finding someone who treats you well can truly change your whole outlook on life. This is especially true when the person treating you this way cares very deeply for you. It becomes more obvious everyday that you can find those once in a lifetime relationships!! One where there is no yelling...just talking and discussing....one where there is no hitting....just gentle touches showing care, hugs, and kisses...what a change for me! Someone who genuinely worries about you and cares what happens to you...and does everything they know to help assure you don't get hurt! And if you get hurt...cares enough to assure you it will be ok....someone who disscusses your worries and is there to support you...these things are all so new to me....I have never had anyone that truly wanted to be a part of my life on every level. Sometimes it is like a dream for me...altho he may not realize it...this is a brand new world for me to explore!
It is hard for a person whose never lived in fear to understand what life without fear means! I hope in the near future that I can close the last chapter of my life (the chapter of the last 8 yrs) and openly start the chapter on my future. I enjoy living without fear and regrets and look forward to my future...not making the same mistakes as before.
I look forward to learning new things, enjoying the outdoors, and just being me for the first time in years! I had thought I lost myself and worried I may never find that child like happiness I once had...but fear not I have found it and myself again! I am so excited about my birthday ( hehe most of you know how that goes) even tho it is 6 months away :) And we know that Christmas is after that YAY!!!!
I have also seen a change in my personality. I no longer feel the need to be defensive all the time. I have gotten so used to always having to fight against the current of life that sailing swiftly with the current is quite pleasing! I don't remember the last time I was defensive or arrogant with anyone...it used to be a daily occurance...I DON'T miss it at all!!! I LOVE being pleasant, funny, charming, silly, and fun this is who I truly am in my heart and in my soul! All the other things that came out in me I truly believe were a product of my enviroment! Of course we do have days when we butt heads with people that is natural and everyone experiences it, but letting it happen and moving forward is the key...sometimes I struggle with that and carry emotions away, but not nearly as frequently or vehemently as before....if and when I do I apolgize to those affected.
So there you have it guys another insight into me. I am a complex creature sometimes altho I try very hard not to be. My goal is to be simple and fun! If I fail it isn't for lack of trying. I hope that there can be someone in the world that loves and cares for me....just by me being me...isn't that everyones goal...someone who can love and respect me even with my flaws ( I am strong enough to know I have many) and imperfections!
I cherish the relationship I am in now and work everyday to realize this is how things should be :) I pray we can make it work so that we are both as happy in the future as we are now! I look forward to everytime Phil and I are together :) I also look forward to sharing him with all of you...but just a little bit hehe!
Hope everyone is having a great day! May God Bless you and keep you safe!
Hugs
Stacy