Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Why must I think! Current mood: blah
I am back :) I am still doing well here in PA, but man sometimes I hate my brain! Work has been insane Inventory is a disaster...upgraded from yesterday's MESS! I have been so frustrated the last 2 days. I am seeing some light tho so don't worry about me! So now on to the title of the blog....
I am a thinker and yes anyone who knows me knows this can be true. Most of the time I am spontaneous and go with the flow, BUT sometimes my brain takes over...not usually a good thing for my mood, my life, or my friends. Yesterday I used my brain WAY WAY WAY too much. I was comtemplating everything. My divorce, my life, my mood....EVERYTHING! So those who know me know...this lead to large amounts of tears. I cried yes, but felt better in the end. I am glad that is past me! Good God I HATE to cry! It is such a sign of weakness to me and even tho I have discussed this in therapy a BAZILLION times that it is natural and not a weakness I can't help but feel like the stupid female who is weak and helpless when it happens to me. So anyway the tears have passed I have finished my thinking and come out feeling ok. I know that stress often is what leads me to this state...and I had a lot of that yesterday. To those reading this....I am fine please don't worry about me....it's just me LOL! I am feeling 100% better today. I did determine tho that I have a lot of life changes going on in my life and perhaps I needed a day to contemplate what I have been putting off in a tactic of avoidance....knowing this day would lead to tears I didn't want to cry.
I haven't updated you guys in a while. So Scott signed the separation agreement WAY YAY!! So I am officially single...well not really single just done with Scott LOL! I am dating the most wonderful guy in the world...Phil, who some of you know, for those of you who don't know him....don't worry you will :) July 8th the divorce will be final and I am so anxious for that day! Of course 3 months from when I filed is July 4th Independence day...moreso than EVER! My name is officially Stacy Lorraine Roberts again another BIG YAY! Thursday I will get my drivers license changed :)
Thursday I also go to Scranton for a Dr appt with the Dr who performed the baby procedure a yr and a half ago. This appt has been on my mind for a long time. I am glad I am going for sure and I am very anxious to learn whether or not I can have children safely. Most of you know I have always wanted children...just not with the situation I was in before...so this is an important answer in my life. Another reason perhaps I was crying yesterday?!...
I remodelled the apt a couple weeks ago that was AWESOME! I changed the bedroom so it isn't the same room as before. It is where the office used to be! I painted the walls the color name is Giggle hehe! so me I know! Last night I put up some mullions and flowers in there also. It looks so girly..not me at all :) But I LOVE it! I never sleep in there tho that is the funny part. If I am home it is couch city for me....I just fall asleep watching TV and plus the fact that...that was my bedroom for 2 yrs! So after I washed dishes last night, hung the mullions and flowers, had dinner with mom and dad, and took a shower..all before 730 PM I layed on the couch watching TV and was asleep before 8 PM HAHA funny....that is a day in my life for sure...defintely most of you won't even find that strange! I even woke up at 5:15 AM on the dot without an alarm clock :) now that is shocking!
So I think that is the update from here! I am sorry it is not the usual cheerful life is grand post, BUT sometimes life for me just isn't fun or cheerful :) So my thoughts for today are this...Sometimes it is better to follow your heart instead of over-thinking life's challenges! Sometimes we just need a day to reflect and make sure we are where we want to be even if it causes some tears and questions :) I hope you are all doing well out there!
Love and Hugs
Stacy